Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Enjoy the Ride!

I am learning how to enjoy the ride. Or, I’m teaching myself to enjoy the ride. I'm learning to try? I don't know. All I do know is this shit is difficult – they don’t write instructions about this kind of stuff. Well, actually they do. But have you read any books on these things? I have, and they are actually very helpful books but at the end you still just feel like WTF? What the fuck am I literally supposed to do? Because I meditate, and I write and I go to the gym and I do my acting homework and I enjoy the sunsets and I laugh at the little things and I remember that it’s all little things, but at some point you have to sit down and do some strategy about your career and let’s face it: if you weren’t shooting YESTERDAY then you feel like a big fat failure who’s career is spinning down the toilet and you wonder how the hell IT gets to go down the toilet when you’re still waiting more than a week for the plumber to come and fix said toilet for the second time.

But that’s a different story.

Or you’re sitting down to watch a movie or a TV show – which as much as you love doing that – is also actually your job to watch these things since you perform in them but you can’t help but feel like you and your dreams are stuck in slowly drying cement. Or how do you not let the grind of it all get to you, because don’t let anyone fool you, being an actor is hard work. The real job of being an actor is pursuing work and the pursuing of it has a LOT of homework, yo. That part? That’s the part the books don’t really touch upon. They tell you to light a candle and immerse yourself in a hot bath. Or read a favorite book. Or go for a hike and enjoy the sunset. Laugh at the little things! But at the end of those books, when sun’s gone down, the candle’s gotten low and the bathwater is cold and the toilet still. won’t. flush… There you are. Still trying to figure out how to let it go.

And then I remember, I actually kind of wrote about this. Twice. Maybe even a third time...? Yeesh. At least I'm consistent? I have to laugh to keep from crying because I was kind of right about this the first three times. You just let go. The career thing is a journey, after all. There will be ups and downs; that’s the nature of this three-headed Hydra. I have to look at it the long way – the forest for the trees and whatnot. And the way for me to let go is to just live my life. And know that living my life doesn’t mean that feeling of unease will go away forever. It just means that when it comes around, I can’t try to ignore it and let it drive me into career panic mode – maybe I can just just say hello. Hell, if it’s going to be a neighbor, might as well acknowledge its presence, right? Maybe bake it some cookies? I’m almost absolutely sure unease likes cookies. And maybe, just because I acknowledged it, I’ll be able to recognize that the feeling of unease isn’t me. It’s not who I am; it’s just a feeling. And before I know it - as long as I remember to let myself relax, let go, and enjoy the ride - I’ll be back to enjoying the sunsets, laughing at everything and generally feeling right as rain again. All because of cookies.

Now where the hell is my cactus flower scented candle?

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