Sunday, June 20, 2010

A Love Letter For All The World To See

I rarely get super personal here. But I’ve got the blues, y’all. The blues. And I’ve got it bad in a serious way. Like, hearing Sarah McLachlan singing The Rainbow Connection on the overhead play at a Starbucks just might make me cry while I’m waiting in line. See? BAD. But it’s with good reason. You all know I’m married, but you may not know that my love goes to Chicago for grad school every summer for six weeks.

The Great Divide started today.

Last summer was the first of the three summers. I was stuck here in LA because I was doing a play, and this year is no different. This summer, I’m working on an independent short film I will play the lead in, and that I also have a hand in developing. I’m stuck again – grounded, as it were.

I don’t take any part of this relationship for granted, but as soon as we get to this point in June it somehow feels like I do. At the absolute least, I sure have gotten used to sharing the bed.

But six weeks is nothing, you say. Before you know it, it’ll be over – right? Well I can explain this. This is our fourteenth year together and our fourth year married. We even lived in different cities for five years. And four years ago, when we finally were able to be in the same place again, we felt this was it.

Now don’t get me wrong – the two of us both know the score, and the roles could be reversed at any moment. Actors leave to go on location all the time. I’ve been on tour, and have worked out of town. Hell – I just spent a week on location in Santa Barbara in April and even that was somewhat difficult, yet I am STILL grateful for that experience. Yes, I know these are the lives and careers we’ve chosen. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

A few days ago, Shoshana Bean posted a video of herself rehearsing a song she was to sing the next day at a small venue here in LA. Her show was called “Today I Sing The Blues.” The two-minute video was amazing. As a singer, there’s not a lot more I respect more than someone who can sing the blues. As a listener, it hurt; I’ve got the blues. I wanted to see her show – it was cheap, and just down the street and I knew she would blow my socks off. But I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to go and cry throughout her entire set. That just ain’t right, you know?

As it got closer to showtime, I watched her video again. And again. And again. I thought about taking my love with me. But I chose not to. I was sure what would happen. But as I watched/listened to her video on repeat, I did find a sort of solace.

Yes, having The Blues hurts. But the way Ms. Shoshana Bean was singing that song… She understood. She knows.

And hearing her sing that song provided me with relief.

Then somehow I was reminded how lucky I am to have found anyone at all. And it could be worse – I could be lonely, yet, that’s not what I feel.

I'm just going to miss all that light.

I’m reminded of Romeo and Juliet, who both met untimely ends. BUT – they found each other. And THAT is reason enough to rejoice.

I wouldn’t feel all of this if I weren’t in LOVE.



Regan said...

I understand this feeling well. You are totally accurate- right on about distance and love. I have never had to endure that length of time, though. I hope you will write a follow up to this post about the struggles you encounter, and of course, the lessons. Love you. -Regan

Mom's Group said...

You guys are such an inspiring couple. Truly -- I'm not just saying that. I don't think I know anyone more in love than you two! :)

On another note, I just previewed my message & I came up as "Mom's Group." WTF?! Ha.